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Friday, April 30, 2010

Re-learning: from the Beginning

The other day I picked up a pencil and my sketch book and began "drawing" a person; a character out of my head. I used to be able to draw without thinking. I could take a photo and copy it to a tee. In my 10th grade Art class I brought a picture of my brother, Steve, and did a pastel portrait of him. I got an "A" on it and my teacher kept it to use as part of her future lessons on how to do a pastel portrait the right way (her words, not mine). That was my first portrait and not my last. I haven't drawn like that in a very long time. I am a painter at heart, so when I tried to draw this "person" I failed terribly. I got really down on myself saying that I should just quit this journey of re-finding myself. It was a bad moment in my day. I really am my own worst critic. Then I reallized that I had not been practicing for years. Even the most seasoned artists "practice" daily, even if it's by doing "real" work/art. One cannot learn something and then never practice it over a great deal of time and then expect to pick it up one day and be perfect. A musician practices hours every day in order to create the perfect performance. I was really down on myself but then I picked myself up, walked upstairs to my studio and rummaged through all the books that I have. I found a "beginners" drawing lesson book, 10 lessons, and decided to start over. It's okay to start over in order to move on. I am going to go forward in my journey to re-find myself and I am not going to be ashamed to start from the beginning. It's okay.

Yesterday I found out that I have Type 2 diabetes. I now have to re-learn eating, cooking, shopping and exercising. I have to re-learn how I see myself. I have a chance to re-make myself health-wise along with my art. It's not true that you "can't teach an old dog new tricks". I have to learn and I'm not too old to do so.

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